I sat outside with the puppy in a sling sleeping on my chest and guess what. I got to thinking!! I have 3 weeks left in Guate and only 5 more days where I won't be super busy. I guess now is the time to think!
I can't believe my trip is nearing a close! It has been such an awesome experience. I've experienced so many different emotions. Joy, comraderie, sorrow, hope, pessimism, just to name a few. This country is such an array of beauty, whether it be the hardened, innocent eyes, the magnificent volcanoes, the childrens smiles, the spectacular jungle, or the serenades of days wished well. It is a country full of pain yet is such a magical place. I find my self very sad today, though Im sure watching another puppy be put down is only adding to it. Im really going to miss this place. It has such a special place in my heart and although I know I will back, I can't help feeling a little despair in knowing I get to go home to a warm bed, a loving family and the comforts of the first world. One would think this would get me a little excited, though yes I look forward to seeing all my loved ones. But it kind of feels a little superficial. Just another Gringo that came and loaded up their feel good tank, put in some honest hours of hard work, but quickly gets to leave all the pain behind. I get to go home, enjoy my clean water, my human rights, my medical system and a healthy family. My tank is full so I can sleep at night because I put my token month in, feeling good about myself and getting to share all the wonderful stories about how I did some good in the world. I can pat myself on the back because I dug a few holes, tipped a few workers and saved a few dogs from pain. But at the end of the day, the children are still in poverty, the dogs are still starving and parents and children have to work long hours for little pay just to put a few nutritionally lacking meals on the table for their children. And this is only one town, one country, one continent! It just doesn't feel right getting to leave it all behind and continue walking down the golden streets of Canada. We have our issues for sure, and I am certainly not happy with the treatment of so many underprivileged people back home, but I think trips like this change you. I am certainly a better person. My heart is warmer, my arms are wider and my motivation deeper, but it just doesn't sit well because I know I am no better or deserving than all the wonderful people I have met here!
I wish everyone back home would spend some time bridging the gap between the first and the third world. I wish everyone would spend a month or two out of their year or donate some money but certainly open their minds. Maybe the world wouldn't be so hard for so many! Maybe my small contribution would look so much bigger if I had 100 hands beside me, not 10. If everyone in the first world helped to bring the third world even just a little closer, so many people would live so much better! Sheltered, privileged people back home would have a greater appreciation for how they live and so many people struggling to make ends meat may be able to live a little lighter! Would it be so bad if everyone lived in the second world? If we shared just a little, helped those who need a hand and bridge that gap just a little? Would it be so bad for us to live at 75% so so many could live at 50? Is that compromise so bad??
I know this won't be my last volunteer "vacation". I can't go home and pat myself on the back and forget about all I saw. I don't just want, I don't need but I have to help! My life has a purpose, one I was always aware of, but one I now will live! I'm going to take a few steps down and hopefully in doing so I can help a few people up!! Though I will always have the luxuries of home available to me and there will be times I indulge, I will stop the cycle of over-consumption, at least for myself, and Im going to take moments of each day and dedicate them to making this world just a little closer. Refocus some of my spending and my time and shift the privilege just a little. Parents deserve to see their children grow up, children deserve the opportunity to do so with patience, and animals deserve a little peace from time to time. If every week, instead of indulging the first world appetite, I give a little, rather than take, I can help make some permanent change. Guatemala has given so much to me and I vow that I will give back.
